The Renewal

The Holy season of Lent was about to start. Giving up on meat and alcohol was the routine for me like most of my fellow brothers (although some of my loving brothers do insist that alcohol is a pure vegetarian drink).This year I wanted to give in more. So coming to Mangalore after leaving the secure and comfortable ambience of my private practice in Kodungallur was never an easy decision. I had driven down and by early evening I was eating masala dosa ‘s fried in pure love made by my beautiful wife. The customary practice to take a shower after a long journey had started to give me disturbing vibrations. I took the towel and entered the area to take a shower. I was feeling like a fish out of the water. For 31 years of my life I had taken a shower with hot water. Growing up in the Gulf made me an addict of this habit and I didn’t bother coming out of it even after I left the desert . I stood staring in front of the shower . I always had nightmares thinking of this dreaded moment and now I was living it. I turned on the shower and stood away from it as a fish would on seeing the fisherman’s baited hook. The cold water droplets splashing on my feet had started to make me sweat. The feeling of the coldness was travelling up my legs. Vague thoughts were racing in my mind. My pulse started galloping. Voices in my head were trying to push me away. I thought of my gold fish which I had in Kodungallur and how it must have felt when I released it into a nearby river when I was leaving for Mangalore. I closed my eyes and prayed.

Lord let me forget my past and make me start afresh….

I took a step forward and felt the cold water on my skin. The water submerged my body and i felt as if I was being caressed . I could feel an electric shock somewhere deep within my body. My muscles were relaxed and my body started swaying with the rhythm of the droplets. I was on a new high experiencing something new , something refreshing, something I was scared to experience all my life and above all something I was enjoying. I could feel the happiness of the fishes as thy swam in the cool waters and realised why they never wanted to experience the life on Earth.i realized how happy my goldfish would have been (contrary to my belief) when I released it’s chains of bondage. I saw a new light. Stepping out of the shower I was longing to relive that experience.

I do not know how long I will be able to cherish this and live with these thoughts but till whenever I can, I know I will be like the fish in the water..... Completely at peace and not trying to reach out for  the luxuries of Life on Earth.

I could hear my wife shouting that she has got the hot water ready for my bath.
My season of Lent had just started.